No matter how chilled out you might be, or how simple your plans are, almost every couple feels stressed in the lead up to their wedding. So if you're also someone who really struggles with anxiety on a regular basis, it's easy to get overwhelmed. It's all well and good for other people to tell you, "don't stress, it'll all work out in the end", (it will though FYI!), but when you're in the throes of wedding planning yourself, it's hard to see out the other side! So today, we're sharing tips for how to deal with wedding anxiety and planning stress around your big day. (We also have a podcast episode on this very topic, so make sure you give it a listen!)
Feeling anxious or stressed is a normal part of life, but if your anxiety has become debilitating in any way, or you're experiencing panic attacks, then you should definitely seek professional help. Our guide today is a realistic list of coping mechanisms, tools and tips to see you through the planning process, whatever level of anxiety you experience.
Hiring great suppliers certain helps alleviate the pressure (in particular wedding planners!) so hit up our Wedding Directory for recommendations. Oh and check out Aware Life Skills - free courses in CBT techniques to help you deal with day to day anxiety.
1. Anticipate Your Anxiety
This is one tactic I used a lot for my own wedding day - and while it's a bit of a band aid rather than a solution, it will be especially helpful if you're prone to panic attacks. Anticipate the moments when you're most likely to have anxiety on the day, and skip them entirely or find ways to make them more manageable for yourself. Whether that's a room full of people on your wedding morning, the mere thought of your first dance, or the idea of making a speech, nerves are natural, but if you think these moments might taint your day (or stress you out in the lead-up), find ways to ditch tradition and leave them out.
2. Be Decisive
I'd say this to any couple, but being decisive in wedding planning is even more important if you have anxiety. Of course you should always compare options and make considered decisions, but when it comes to things like invitation wording, table plans, or menu choices, you can be stuck for weeks going round in circles and getting more stressed in the process. Set weekly decision making deadlines, make a call, and move on to the next job on your list!
3. Remember Comparison Is The Thief of Joy
This one is easier said than done, but don't compare your wedding to anyone else's. Whether it's some girl from school or some couple off Instagram, pitting your wedding against another is a pointless exercise. Don't let anyone else do it about your day either, if your Aunt Dolores starts telling you about the amazing canapés at your cousin Jenny's wedding, tune her out, or change the subject!
4. Set a Wide Contingency
One of the biggest sources of stress for couples getting married is money. It's important to remember that the only thing you "have to have" to get married is the €200 registration fee. Knowing that can be really freeing. If our real wedding budget breakdown series has taught us anything, it's that most couples go over budget. Prevent money worries in the lead up to your day by setting a hefty contingency - at least 15% - over what you expect to spend. Be realistic, and don't plan a wedding that you know you won't be able to afford.
5. Take Time Away from Planning
Self care might be super trendy right now, but it's for good reason. Whether it's regular date nights (with no wedding admin talk!), long baths with your favourite podcast on, exercise classes, baking, or board games - have nights away from your wedding. Don't answer emails, don't field questions, and switch off the voice in your head that says wedding planning has to be your full time job.
6. Pretend You're Getting Married a Month Early
Because I'm prone to feeling overwhelmed, this was another trick that really helped me and my husband keep on top of our planning. We planned our wedding as if we were getting married a month before our wedding day. That meant even the final details like the ceremony booklets, the table plan, the Ikea candle run, and the bathroom basket, were all done way in advance. It meant we could spend the last few weeks having fun, soaking it all in, (and hitting the red wine).
7. Spell Things Out for your Guests
Guests asking lots of questions is bugbare for all couples getting married, and it can easily escalate into a cause of anxiety. Of course you're happy to chat about your big day, but when it's week before your wedding and you're being asked about group rates on accommodation, what time the ceremony starts, and if children are *really* not invited, it can be overwhelming. It won't totally solve things, but arming your guests with as much clarity and information as possible will definitely help. I found having a wedding website in particular to be invaluable for putting all the FAQs in one place, and directing any questions towards it.
8. Know You're a Slammin' Hottie!
You're gorgeous. A beaut. You have great hair. I like your face. Your upper arms/eyebrows/teeth are most definitely 'wedding ready', ya hear? Another big source of anxiety for both brides and grooms is how they'll look on their wedding day. We're all for indulging in some pampering and doing what we need to feel our best (double-up those fake lashes please!), but please know that you don't need to worry about your body, your skin or your hair. We've yet to see a couple who didn't look like a million bucks walking up the aisle. There's just something about that loved-up wedding day glow that makes everyone look like a massive hottie!
If it doubt, look in the mirror, and repeat "I am gorgeous" ten times in a row. I promise, you'll start to believe it!
9. Don't Get Involved in Drama
Two of your friends bought the same dress and both are refusing to return it. Your bridesmaids can't agree on what to do for the hen. Your dad's brother is refusing to come to the wedding unless he can make a speech. And your mother-in-law is just not getting on board with the idea of an outdoor ceremony. Couples shouldn't come out of a wedding with a marriage certificate, they should come out with a Nobel Peace Prize and a job at the UN.
This is going to be a hard one to do, but try not to get swept up in other people's "stuff" around your wedding. Yes you should be considerate, take suggestions politely, and do your best to accommodate certain needs, but when it comes down to it, you and your other half will still get married, and everyone will just have to suck it up, get on and have a great day. To save you a lot of stress in the mean time just step back and let individuals deal with their own issues on their own time.
10. Decide to Enjoy It
This might seem silly, but sometimes as a bride or groom, you feel like you're supposed to be anxious about your wedding, or like you're not doing it right if you're not stressed. Sometimes you need to actively decide to relish the planning, enjoy the butterflies, and bask in the unpredictability. Your wedding day, and the lead up to it, will be all the better for it!
11. Try Not To Get Hung Up On Minor Details
'Don't sweat the small stuff' is the advice given to us by nearly every real wedding couple we feature, and we couldn't agree more. But it's often hard to see the grass for the trees - or the napkins for the centrepieces - when you're knee deep in wedding planning. Try to keep perspective. If you feel the panic set in, ask yourself, "Would I care about this if I was throwing a birthday party?". Remember that while the details are lovely, none of them will matter when you wake up on a high the day after your wedding, with your new spouse!
12. Remember It Takes Two to Plan a Wedding
A lot of pre-wedding anxiety comes from one person feeling like the weight of the wedding planning is on them. The endless to-do list, the emails with suppliers, fielding questions and opinions, it's pretty exhausting. Make sure you and your other half play an equal role in planning and decision making. Don't just delegate tasks to them like a manager (that's just another job on you!), make the list together and split the jobs so you're equally invested from the start. Oh and use Trello - it was invaluable for my husband and I in divvying things up. If you don't have time to plan together, hire in some great professionals like these to help (it might cost less than you think!).
13. It's Okay To Have a Meltdown
Every bride I know - and lots of grooms too - have had a bit of a pre-wedding meltdown. It might come in the form of a strongly worded email, a rant among friends, a sobbing call to your parents, a row with your other half, or a full on panic attack. It's definitely not pleasant, but hey, better out than in! There's nothing worse than feeling overwhelmed and not having someone to talk to, open up and acknowledge any fears you might have, shed some tears, and feel all the better for it. Oh and hold off on sending that strongly worded email 'til tomorrow!
One Last Note...
Wedding planning is supposed to be fun and exciting. Yes, there are inevitable stresses, but you're making a choice to throw a big party, so the lead-up should be enjoyable. If you're totally overwhelmed by the idea of planning a wedding, or not enjoying the process at all, think about whether or not it's worth it. Don't forget, you can always pull the plug or elope - all you need to get married is a registrar and two witnesses. So don't worry about disappointing a relative or losing a deposit, your wellbeing is so much more important!
Listen to our Podcast Episode on Tackling Wedding Stress and Anxiety
Feature Image: Gaby Rguez Photography
