In a perfect world, you'd never have to say no to a wedding invitation. But sadly, other commitments do sometimes get in the way of your good time! With that in mind, we wanted to find an answer for this classic wedding etiquette conundrum once, and for all! There are lots of good reasons for declining a wedding invitation - you're strapped for cash, you don't know the couple very well, you've got another wedding on the same weekend, etc. - which is why we've created this indispensable guide. By the end of this post, you'll be able to politely turn down a wedding invitation with minimal awkwardness and (almost!) zero guilt.

How to Say No to a Wedding Invitation: The Dos and Don'ts

DO:

• Think about it for a few days before doing anything. You'll feel better about declining if you know you've explored your options, and given the invite a good amount of thought. The couple will appreciate this, too.
• Think about your relationship with the couple. If you're very close with one or both of the people getting married, it might be best to break the news over dinner or via a phone call. If, on the other hand, you don't know them well, an RSVP will usually suffice.
• Thank the couple for inviting you. This one is non-negotiable!

• Be honest about your reasons for declining. This can be tricky if, for example, if you won't be able to travel because you're pregnant, but you haven't yet told friends and family your happy news. In cases like these, depending on your relationship with the couple, you may feel compelled to tell a little white lie, but generally speaking, you can expect a more positive response if you're upfront about things. It's hard for a couple to react badly, if, let's say, you tell them that you're struggling financially, or you're uncomfortable about attending because your ex is in the wedding party.
• That said, it's fine to keep it vague, especially if you're not close with the couple. The phrase "work commitments" is just as effective as a four-paragraph account of your upcoming business trip!

• Be firm. If you decline a wedding invitation when you're actually on the fence about attending, the conversation can quickly get awkward. The couple could try to persuade you to attend, and may make offers that you're not comfortable with, for example, to pay for your accommodation if you're declining for financial reasons. While this might be a viable solution for some, remember that this is a post about turning down a wedding invitation, and to do that, you've got to use purposeful language. This brings us to our next point...
• Use the sample phrases at the end of this post. These will come in handy whether you're speaking to the couple in person or by post or email, and we've included options for all formality levels.
• Follow up with a call or message. Even if you don't know the couple very well, a follow-up call, email or text is a nice way to show that you're genuinely disappointed that you can't make it, and diffuse any awkwardness.

• Optional: Figure out a way to be there in spirit. Depending on your relationship with the couple, you may like to have your presence felt on the day, even if you can't be there in person. You could arrange for a bottle of Champagne to be sent to the couple on the morning of the wedding, send a video message, or pen a few words of support to be read out during the speeches.
• Optional: Arrange an alternative date to celebrate with the couple. Show the couple how much they mean to you by making time for an evening out together. It's best to suggest a date after the wedding as they'll be pretty busy in the months leading up to the big day!
• Optional: Send a gift. If you're not attending the wedding, a gift will be appreciated but definitely not expected. We've got a whole post about this, so read that for more tips on when to send a wedding gift, and what kinds of gift to send.

DON'T:

• Don't be flippant about declining. Couples are generally very understanding about non-attendance, but to avoid hurt feelings on their part, you should avoid making jokes, bragging about how busy you are, or appearing not to care.
• Don't go into too much detail. If you can't sum up your reasons for declining the wedding invitation in two sentences, go back to the drawing board and try again. You want to give just enough information that the couple understand your reasons. If you go into too much detail, it may cause more guilt and awkwardness.

• Don't leave it until the last minute. The couple will be disappointed that you can't make the wedding, but if you put off telling them for weeks and weeks, you run the risk of them being disappointed and inconvenienced! A prompt RSVP means that they should have time to invite someone else that they'd love to share the date with, so be sure and work to the deadline indicated on the invitation.
• Don't forget to formally RSVP. Even if you've spoken to the couple in person first, it's always polite to respond in the way indicated on the invitation. Otherwise, your response might be lost in a mire of wedding admin.

Declining a Wedding Invitation: Handy Sample Phrases

We've put together a list of sample phrases for saying no to a wedding invitation, including options for formal and casual RSVPs, and email, postal and IRL responses.

• "Thank you for thinking of me. I regret to tell you that I won't be able to attend due to another commitment, but please accept my warmest congratulations."
• "Regrettably I won't be able to attend the wedding due to some conflicting commitments."
• “Thank you so much for the invitation, I really appreciate it and it means a great deal.”
• "I would love to attend, but I have prior commitments on that date."
• "We would love to celebrate with you but unfortunately, we can't make it work."
• "I've given it a lot of thought, and unfortunately, we won't be able to attend."
• "Thanks so much for the invitation. Unfortunately, due to family/work/financial commitments, I won't be able to make it."

• "Thank you both so much for including us in your wedding. Sadly, we won't be able to attend, as we will be traveling to the UK for my nephew's christening. I wish we could be in two places at once!"
• "I hope you have the most wonderful time celebrating this special occasion."
• "I hope we can get together for drinks soon, and you can tell me all about your wedding plans!"
• "We would love to celebrate with you as soon as you return from your honeymoon."
• "We will be thinking of you on August 10th and popping a bottle of Champagne in your honour!"
• "I'm sorry to say that we'll have to celebrate this one from afar!"
• "I'm gutted that I won't make the wedding, but I know you'll have a phenomenal day."
• "I'm sorry that I won't be there in person, but I'm sending my best wishes to you both."

Need a crash course in wedding etiquette? You'll find lots of helpful posts in our wedding planning section!