This real wedding will have you laughing, crying and, most importantly, believing in the power of online dating (let's be honest, swiping, messaging and liking is a huge part of single life in 2017!). Brett and Ray are what you would call old-fashioned online daters - first discovering each other on YouTube. After a love story that encountered many complications - both constitutional and geographical - this pair said 'I Do' with a unique, personalised weekend-long wedding at Virginia Park Lodge. Flanked by a troupe of bridesmaids and groomsmen, the couple marked their day with a candid photo-session complete with chalk paint, a petting zoo for all their guests, and a massive water fight. And that's before they even started getting ready for the ceremony! With a determination to be together that's positively inspiring, we're so chuffed This Modern Love was on to capture all the love and fun.
Ray describes his and Brett's first virtual encounter, "I guess you could call it a modern romance. It was 2010 and we met online, but not the usual "swipe left, swipe right" kind of meeting (pre-modern day dating app era). We were both pretty active in the YouTube community, as creators and viewers. It's still a huge part of our lives. I commented on Brett's videos, comments turned to tweets, tweets turned to Skype messages, and before we knew it, it was official. Facebook official that is (the most important kind, obviously).” Ray tells us. It's not official, 'til it's Facebook official guys!
Brett, who's from the US and Ray, who's from Ireland, spent over three years in a long-distance relationship. Ray explains the feats they went through to be together, "Flying out to meet each other, falling asleep together every night on Skype. It wasn't until February 2014 that I actually moved to the U.S. on an F1 fiancé visa. Which we couldn't have done without the support of our friends and viewers on YouTube, who all came together to raise $10,000 in 30 days. Every penny went to legal fees. We will be eternally grateful for that.” You can check out their video and crowdfunding campaign here!
So, when it came time to propose, Brett knew he wanted to do something special to pop the question - but of course it as wasn't entirely straight forward. Their proposal is something of an epic tale, as Brett tells us, “The moment Section 3 of DOMA (The Defense of Marriage Act) was repealed, Ray and I instantly became eligible to get married and finally be together for good. Instant might be the wrong word, because it took almost a year to actually get married after all the paperwork and legal fees…romantic, I know. But the moment I knew I wanted to marry Ray, the plan started to unfold.
I immediately got the best LGBT lawyer in LA (Ally Bolour) and planned a trip out to Ireland. To be honest, I had a rough idea about how I wanted to propose, but it definitely wasn't clearly formed. All I knew is that I wanted us to be married, but wasn't exactly sure how I was going to ask. Since I didn't have home-field advantage, I knew I'd have to figure something out."
The couple stayed at The Fitzwilliam Hotel in Dublin and at 3AM that night, Brett told Ray he wasn't feeling well (which wasn't actually true). Ray chimes in; “He was trying to get rid of me!”.
Brett eventually convinced Ray to go to a late night pharmacy, "The second he left, I raced down to the lobby with the rings, told the front desk I was about to propose and they quickly walked me through the hotel looking at the perfect place to pop the big question. This needed to be set up before Ray got back. I imagined a candlelight romantic meal hidden away in a back kitchen, but their back kitchen looked like…a functional back kitchen, with plates, mops, rags and not much mood lighting, as you can imagine."
Before we press on with the proposal, let's talk about how the couple chose to do something a bit different on the morning of their wedding, "Yes, we had a petting zoo. It was the day of the wedding, after breakfast and before the water balloon fight. I know what you're thinking…Genius idea right!? We had everything from a turtle, to baby chicks. From a lamb to an Alpaca. We can't thank Claire Mulholland from Blackberry Farm enough for this treat. She was so attentive and lovely. The animals we so well behaved and adorable. They have a cute set up with wooden fences, baskets, and bunting. Not to mention they left without a trace!"
Okay, so enough of the cooing over chicks - back to the proposal! As time was ticking, Brett had to run back upstairs before being caught out of bed, so he reluctantly handed the concierge the rings, " I told him 'If you can find anywhere that would be nice to propose, preferably away from people, we'll come down for breakfast and I can take it from there.' And just like that, I raced back upstairs to our room.”
But Ray had already returned, “I had already arrived back thinking I was such a great husband for being so fast to return with the medicine. I was totally bewildered. Where the heck was my sick husband in this random hotel in a country totally foreign to him?”
Brett: “In a panic I told him I threw up, and went downstairs to see if they had any medicine. Not totally convincing, but he bought it! Right then a call came in through our hotel room phone (remember, it's 3AM) - I picked up quickly. It was the concierge, "Hi, um…Brett?" "Yes, this is Brett." (I told you this read like an epic!)
"I was afraid the call was too loud and Ray could hear everything, as there was sensitive information being discussed. "I found the perfect place," the concierge said, "It's a secluded room up the stairs, set up just for you in one of our libraries. It has a fireplace, it has-" I cut him off, as Ray kept staring, wondering what we were talking about, "That sounds great. We'll be down around 9AM." He understood. I understood. Ray was clueless.”
Ray: “Not clueless! Totally baffled. And a little pissed, but I wasn't sure why. I don't know how but Brett managed to convince me that the hotel had medicine for him that they would give to him during breakfast because you need it with food. Thinking about it now, it sounds totally ridiculous.”
Brett: “Honestly, I was pretty proud of this on-the-spot lie. It set us up to go downstairs and it explained why I was just gone. It made sense.”
Ray (laughing): “If you say so.”
When 9am arrived, the couple met the concierge on their way to breakfast, and escorted them through hallways and up staircases, “I think The Fitzwilliam is made up of a few Dublin townhouses so this was an old study area with a fireplace and everything. It was totally charming,” explains Ray.
Without saying anything, the staff arrived with a full Irish breakfast for each of them with Champagne and strawberries, "Ray was still a bit confused and I was just wondering when the rings were coming and how exactly to figure out the next step. The biggest step. That was when the concierge brought out a fancy breadbasket with a napkin over the top.”
But Ray nearly rumbled the whole thing, "I instantly reached for it thinking, "Oh this must be the medicine." I don't know how I was still hooked on this ridiculous lie.”
Brett had to do some thinking, “I quickly pulled it towards me, lifted off the napkin and sure enough, there was the ring box. I took it out of the basket, opened it up and got on my knee. I had been so worried about the logistics of proposing that I didn't actually plan what I was going to say…so I just spoke from the heart. I told Ray how much I loved him, how I was ready for us to close our 5,000-mile gap and finally be together. I think I did a half-decent job.”
Ray says he still doesn't know how he was caught so off-guard, "I knew the rings were made. Because of the nature of our relationship I knew we were going to get engaged eventually and yet I did not see this coming. I was both floored and over the moon. Once Brett had finished up, and I was a blubbering mess, I got down on one knee and also spoke from the heart. By the end of it both of our cheeks were red and our hearts were full.”
Brett tells us their proposal story kind of sums up their relationship, “Complicated at first, but the payoff was completely worth it.”
The couple describe the vibe of their wedding in a pretty unique way, “We sometimes joke that it was ‘a 10-year-old's birthday for adults, with booze, via Pinterest’." Sounds like a pretty great party to us!
Ray says his main priority was to set a deliberate tone for their wedding weekend, "The wedding took place over several days and we wanted it to feel like an unbroken celebration over that period of time. One way we hoped to do that, and it's certainly reflected in the budget, was music. We had four live music acts over three days, one choreographed dance, and a playlist of feel good tunes playing throughout the venue all weekend.”
Brett continues that is was also important to keep in mind that, as their families live 3000 miles apart, it was likely the only time some of their family members would meet, "It was so much more than a wedding to us - it was a family reunion. We wanted to be certain that our relatives had the time to get to know one another in a comfortable, casual setting.”
Check out the couple's apt wedding stationery! "We downloaded and altered a gorgeous "passport" themed invite template from Two If By Sea. We printed them at Gold Image Printing in Los Angeles."
Ray says one of his biggest highlights of the weekend was a very Irish obsession, “I'm probably showing my Irish upbringing here, but the weather. Most of our events were taking place outdoors. In Ireland. I was setting myself up for a stressful week prior to the wedding. Of course, it did rain over the weekend, which we were prepared for, but it all worked out perfectly. For the most part, whenever we were outdoors the sun shone bright and when we were indoors, the heavens opened up. There were rainbows abound too. We just felt so blessed that weekend. It was a dream.”
For Brett, the highlight was seeing all their friends and family come together to help with all the planning for their day, “Ray's dad actually made the arch we married under, our friend Meghan sang us down the aisle. Also everyone, and I mean everyone, was 100% on board and took part in everything. We have cousins who are sending each other Christmas cards and following each other's Instagrams. We had Irish uncles throwing water balloons at Americans, and American aunts doing Céilí dances like pros.”
Ray says he learned to let go, and go with the flow during the planning, “I know I'm not alone when I say I had a very specific (sometimes unrealistic) vision when it came to the wedding. When it comes down to it though, the wedding isn't just about you. It can't be. If it was, we would have just eloped. We invested all this time and effort into it for our family. So roll with the punches (because there will be many) and learn to make compromises.”
But Brett says you don't need to give up on all your wild ideas, “We had many people question our choice to do a petting zoo and water balloon fight, but we pushed on. Our compromise though was to give people the option to participate, and the means and time to clean up and prepare for the ceremony if they did. The point is, do you really want to leave your wedding day having been the only two people to enjoy themselves? Of course not.” These two are pretty savvy wedding planners!
The couple gave their bridesmaids a free hand to style their looks, “We asked them to purchase within certain guidelines, but the cut of the dress was entirely up to them. We wanted them to wear what they felt most confident in! We did however use BHLDN for reference and some of the girls went with them.”
The pretty florals were created by the team at the venue, "Hillary from Virginia Park Lodge went above and beyond to give us the simple "wild flower" look we wanted for our wedding. She's amazing."
For Ray & Brett, music was an important element across their wedding weekend, "For the rehearsal dinner we were lucky to have one of our favorite bands, Heathers (who don't normally do weddings) to be part of our wedding weekend. We also have to give a shoutout to their manager Brian Scally from Milestone Management who was as friendly as he was professional. As for the wedding day itself, our dear friend Meghan Tonjesplayed us down the aisle and during cocktail hour. She is incredibly talented and a force to be reckoned with. You may have seen her perform on Conan or Ellen."
And the tunes didn't stop there, "Moving on to the reception, we had traditional Irish band Craddóg give us the full céilí experience, including teaching our guests how to dance at a céilí. Everyone was enamoured with them. They even learned Hava Nagila for the Jewish groom. This song is traditionally sung at Jewish weddings where they lift the newlyweds up on chairs. We ended the night with a playlist curated by the grooms but brought to life by ProDJs. Lovely man, would highly recommend him." That sounds like a festival-worthy line-up!
Virginia Park Lodge was the only venue the couple visited, “We were planning from another country so we were very critical online. It couldn't be too far from the major airport, it had to be in the countryside, with gorgeous outdoor space. We were planning an outdoor ceremony after all. Virginia Park ticked all those boxes and more. When we finally visited we were enamoured by the grounds, the aesthetic, and of course the staff,” says Ray.
“They also have a beautifully designed website-which is important to us both working in online entertainment,” adds Brett. Eh duh. You’re preaching to then design-obsessed choir here!
Culinary delights from chef Richard Corrigan.
When it came to capturing their day, these YouTubers made sure they had it covered from all angles, "Tim from This Modern Love gave us the unique energy and perspective we needed to capture the wedding the way we had always dreamed of. He got stuck in, getting covered with colored powder and saturated during the water balloon fight. Absolute champ. Because of Dave from Big Day Films we now have 300 GB of memories to look back on. We have so much footage, of so many beautiful and intimate moments. We feel incredibly lucky to have had a videographer with that kind of initiative and attention to detail."
Ray & Brett say they couldn't have put together their day without he help of Michelle from Waterlily Weddings, "Her hard work made planning an already complicated, destination wedding possible."
The wedding favours were something of a last minute addition, "We had amazing help from Sarah Galvin from Heritage Hampers. Her team designed, assembled and delivered a giant pallet of 70 hampers with 72 hour notice. Incredible turnaround and fantastic quality."
Brett says having their wedding in Ireland felt like a honeymoon in itself, "Although we do hope to actually travel somewhere just the two of us soon. We like to make weekend trips to Big Bear in California for ourselves, just to get away from it all”.
Thanks so much to This Modern Love for shooting this fun-filled wedding. We wish Brett and Ray all the best and are so glad they chose Ireland for their big day! I bet their wedding will inspire lots of pre-wedding water fights!
